Today I went to see a psychologist to talk about Caity's behavior with me. It was getting to the point where I just couldn't take it anymore. I don't want to take her anywhere for fear that she's going to have a meltdown, I find myself giving in to more things because I don't want to deal with a meltdown, etc. Plus, Luke is having symptoms of anxiety that I think has to do with Caity's behavior. He freaks out when she runs away in a store, when she unbuckles in the car, when she doesn't listen.
So, the psychologist pretty much confirmed a lot of what I already knew, but she gave me some tips of things to do. She told me that what I was doing was correct, that Caity is just very stubborn, strong-willed, she will do whatever it takes to be in control. She needs A LOT of positive reinforcement and I need to change all of what I say to Caity to positive things rather than negative things. One suggestion was to get something that I can carry around WITH me that I can give out/collect for Caity when she does good things and when she collect a certain number, she gets a reward of something she really likes. So, I stopped at Michael's and got a big container of those foam stickers and small plastic bags. When she collects maybe 5, to start with, she can have the stickers, as well as a treat. For now it will be candy hearts. Also, when she's on the verge of starting a tantrum, I can count to 3 and tell her she can have a sticker in her bag if she stops before I get to 3. When she's having a tantrum, I should take her from wherever she is. If she's biting or hitting, I need to restrain her.
I do feel better that I've been doing the right things. It just sucks that Caity does this to only me. I guess I'm glad that she doesn't do this to her teachers or any other adults. That would make things a lot harder.
Luke had a hockey game this morning. He was goalie and the team they played was A LOT better than their team. Luke's team got killed. I felt soooooooooooooo bad for Luke -- his team did not help him out by playing defense at all. I thought for sure he would take it hard, but he didn't, thankfully. They have another game tomorrow. Hopefully it will go better.
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Julie, Can I offer you some hope? When I was a kid, there was a boy - the son of some college friends of my parents - who constantly misbehaved for his mom. Like a monster. This was a kid who threw tantrums so badly and acted dangerously that he became injured and taken to the emergency room so often that social services had to investigate the mom for child abuse! When our families were together, I was generally off playing with his 2 sisters, but my mom got to witness some of his insane behavior (and shielded my older brother from being expected to play with him because the kid could go 100% wild). ANYWAY .... years went by, the kid slowly matured and eventually calmed .... stayed in school, was a popular jock by high school, went to college on a baseball scholarship, followed in the footsteps of his father & uncles and played minor league baseball, settled on a successful (finance?) career in Chicago, met and became engaged to a lovely woman ........ My parents went to Chicago a few years ago for his wedding. It was one of those events when everyone walks down memory lane .... I was told that there were plenty of childhood horror stories shared that weekend ...... everyone agreed that NO ONE who knew him as a kid expected him to turn out to be such a delightful, successful, well-adjusted adult. So these days, whenever my mom and I are at the playground or preschool with my kids and we see a kid behaving in a way that makes us cringe or feel pity for his/her parent(s), we look at each other as if to say, "Well, if Brian S has taught us anything, it's that you never can tell how that little kid's going to turn out." I have faith that something's going to click for you and Caity. She can't behave this way for you (and Luke) indefinitely. She can't!
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