Caity's back from Grandma & Grandpa's house. We met them in Plymouth on Friday night to make the handoff. ALL parties involved had a good time -- I think Caity should just move there. I just don't understand -- I think it's just me that she doesn't listen to. She always does great at my parents' house, she does way better with G than me, she's fine at school.....what gives? I'm at my wit's end. Time outs don't work, reasoning with her doesn't work, spanking doesn't work, I feel like nothing works. I'm being more consistent and sticking to my guns with my threats. For example, Saturday, I was going to take her and Luke to the store to get a gift for the b-day party Luke was going to later on that day. As soon as we get in the truck, she doesn't want the seat that was in there and starts throwing a fit. I told her that if she doesn't get in her seat by the time I count to 3, she's staying home. I ended up taking her inside to G, with her screaming and hitting and kicking me. Saturday night her and I had a standoff in her bedroom at bed time. She fell asleep on the couch around 7, so at 8, G brought her upstairs, which apparently was the wrong move -- she was hysterically crying for about an hour. For part of that I think she was half asleep, so I was trying to soothe her, like she was a baby, but then I think she woke up and was trying to get out of her room. I was sitting in front of her door, so she couldn't get out. She claimed that she was hungry, so I told her that if she got in her bed and stopped crying, I would get her something to eat, which I didn't think was an unreasonable request. She was climbing on me, kicking me, hitting me, throwing things at me. I have a huge bruise on the side of my knee from something that happened, I'm not quite sure what it was.
I've read several books on things to do, and I've tried things they suggest, but nothing seems to work, it's like she doesn't take me seriously. I praise her a lot when she's doing really well. But, I'm turning into a crazy woman (crazier than before!!) and it's to the point that I don't even like being around her. I love her to death, but it's just so hard. I think part of it is that she just wants attention ALL the time, which is something that cannot happen.
In other news, I took Luke to the Ozaukee County Fair yesterday, and he won a hermit crab....we're turning into a zoo at our house!! The crab's name is George. I couldn't believe he won -- that game was almost impossible. I threw some of the balls, but it was a ball that Luke threw that won!!
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Wants your attention (and misbehaves to get it), but then doesn't take you seriously when it's time to obey? Hmm, I'm gonna take a stab here, because I've seen some of this too, in my Brendan. Forgive me if I'm way off, or suggesting on outlook you've already tried ........
ReplyDeleteIt's more than just "testing boundaries"; it's classic power struggle: You have all the power. She wants some power. The only trick I know? Give her some! My guess is that Caity's got an intense desire to be independent (maybe wayy more independent than her age would reasonably dictate). More than some kids, she needs to feel like SHE is in control some (or all) of the time rather than feeling like a child (which of course she is) who constantly has decisions made FOR HER all the time. Julie, the reason she acts out mostly with you (and tries to get YOUR attention) is that you're the MOM and she's pegged YOU as the one with the most power! (As opposed to grandma or a teacher - flattering, isn't it?) She may really really REALLY want to claim some more control over some of the things that directly affect her (and she needs YOU to "bestow it upon her"). Suggestion: find LOTS of opportunities in which she gets to make a choice that affects her daily life. Let her think she's being the boss as much as you can humanly stomach. (This or that for breakfast? This shirt or that shirt today? This or that movie? "We need toilet paper. Should we go to WalMart or Target? YOU get to choose if you want.") 2 or 3 choices (which make no big difference to you) can go a llllong way in making her feel like she's got some power. Bonus: There will undoubtedly be times when she regrets a decision she makes. Ha! She gets to be angry with herself! (And she can learn from a big juicy mistake.). There will also be times when her decisions are great (lots, hopefully) and you will get to praise her for her choice.
I've had to frame my interactions with my Brendan like this occasion, and it really did seem to help. Whatever happens, I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you, Crazy Woman!